Exploring the Use of Emotionally Focused Therapy and Gottman Approaches in My Therapy

As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I believe that couple counseling, also known as couples therapy, is a type of psychotherapy designed to help couples of all types, including married and unmarried couples, address and resolve relationship problems. This can include issues such as infidelity, which can be a difficult issue for couples to address on their own. Financial stress is another common issue that can put strain on a relationship, and couples therapy can help partners learn how to communicate about money in a way that is constructive and supportive. Parenting disagreements are also a frequent source of conflict for couples, and therapy can help partners work together to develop a shared parenting philosophy and navigate difficult parenting challenges.

In my practice, I use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the Gottman Method, which are two of the most well-known and widely used approaches in couples therapy. Both approaches focus on improving communication and strengthening emotional bonds between partners.

EFT is based on the idea that emotions are the foundation of intimate relationships. It helps couples identify and understand their underlying emotional needs and teaches them how to communicate these needs to their partner. Research has shown that EFT is effective in helping couples overcome relationship distress and improve overall relationship satisfaction (Johnson, 2004). Please read more about EFT on my blog that’s titled Why I Follow Sue Johnson's Method.

John and Julie Gottman's Theory

For example, can be a difficult issue for couples to address on their own. However, with the help of EFT or the Gottman Method, couples can learn how to navigate the complex emotions that arise when trust has been broken and work towards rebuilding their relationship. The Gottman Method, developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, is based on over 40 years of research on what makes relationships work. It focuses on building a strong foundation of friendship and trust, improving communication, and managing conflict in a healthy way. Research has shown that couples who use the Gottman Method are more likely to stay together and have happier, healthier relationships (Gottman & Gottman, 2018). The Gottman Method also emphasizes the importance of avoiding what they call the "four horsemen of the apocalypse": criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

Four Apocalypse

Criticism involves attacking one's partner's character or personality rather than focusing on a specific behavior.

Contempt involves treating one's partner with disrespect, disdain, or disgust.

Defensiveness involves responding to one's partner's complaints with defensiveness or counter-complaints.

Stonewalling involves withdrawing from communication or shutting down emotionally (Gottman, 1994).

Conclusion

Both EFT and the Gottman Method are evidence-based approaches that have been shown to be effective in helping couples improve their relationships. By focusing on emotional connection, communication, and conflict resolution, these approaches can help couples build stronger, more fulfilling relationships. For a Consultation, please book a free 15-minutes or call/text (509) 720-8116.

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References:

Gottman, J. M., & Gottman, J. S. (2018). Gottman method couple therapy. In The Handbook of Couple Therapy (pp. 138-162). Routledge.

Johnson, S. M. (2004). The practice of emotionally focused couple therapy: Creating connection (2nd ed.). Routledge.

Gottman, J. M. (1994). What predicts divorce? The relationship between marital processes and marital outcomes. Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.