Is Divorce creating Mental Health Concerns?

Tommy Boy

Whether you love him or hate him, Tom Brady is arguably the best quarterback of our generation or that has ever lived. I have been a Miami Dolphin fan since birth. I saw Tom Brady destroy the Dolphins over and over again for 19 years. I followed the media as it disclosed Tom and Gisele Bündchen’s relationship. Eventually, they both were married. People saw Tom winning last minute games and losing the Superbowl three times; meanwhile, Gisele stood by Tom's side to show her support. Tom was on national Television shows to display to the world his life. Sadly to say, Tom and Gisele decided to end their relationship. Yet, the question we should ask is how Tom and Gisele’s children will handle their parents’ divorce in a psychological aspect.

DATA

Researchers explored 18,553 families in three stages of questionnaires that explored the effect on children's mental health when parents separate and divorce (Garriga, 2020). Two-thirds of families answered the questions that helped researchers gather their results (Garriga, 2020). The study followed these families who had children from birth until the age of 5 years old (Garriga, 2020). The results revealed that families who briefly separated have caused a negative outcome on “children’s hyperactivity” (Garriga, 2020). In other words, the children's increase in behavior displays restlessness, agitation, poor listening skills, and etc., when parents are separated for a short time. If the nuclear family ends in divorce, the study reveals that divorce does cause damage to the child’s well-being (Garriga, 2020). This information is important to understand what may occur in a child’s psychological standing.

Dark Side

The study revealed that children are being affected psychologically when parents separate or divorce. As you dive deeper on divorces affecting children's outlook, other data displays children's well-being is affected at home and in the school environment. If one parent tries to separate their child from the other parent through negative talk, there are three different consequences that children face internally.

1. Juggling Alliance

Research indicates that children have a high tendency to blame themselves for their parents' divorce (Van Dijk, 2022). There are theories that suggest children may personalize parents’ conflicts (Van Dijk, 2022). Instead of blaming their parents, children condemn themselves as the reason for their parents' divorce.

2. Penance

Research indicates that children have a high tendency to blame themselves for their parents' divorce (Van Dijk, 2022). There are theories that suggest children may personalize parents’ conflicts (Van Dijk, 2022). Instead of blaming their parents, children lean towards condemning themselves as the reason for their parents' divorce.

3. Lack of Confidence

Research shows that when separated, parents talk negatively about each other in front of their children. Children will blame themself for their parents' division (Van Dijk, 2022). Children may internalize one parent's negative views on the other parent. They will take the accusation personally.

Now the common question is, is it better to stay in an unhealthy marriage for the children’s sake or get a divorce and possibly put your children’ mental health at risk?

The fact that you are here, tells us you are willing to seek help. After reviewing these two articles regarding children's mental health, we can assume that Tom and Gisele’s children may develop psychological problems. I believe parents should develop a list of the negatives and positives about divorce. Taking this into consideration, I think married couples who want to pursue divorce need to evaluate the effects on a child's mental health capacity and the division that will create in a child choosing a side. Studies clearly show, children will increase in the hyperactivities if parents are temporarily separated (Garriga, 2020). After divorce, children will show joggling alliance between their parents, they blame themself, and have a lack of confidence in themself (Van Dijk, 2022). I know life is not easy, especially when you are juggling work, marriage and children. However, this does not limit you to leave an unhappy marriage or get a divorce. I am here to offer you better options. If you want to salvage your marriage and family, please consider pursuing couple or family counseling. Please book now for a free 15 minute consultation or call me to receive clinical guidance.

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Help

I want to make this one thing clear. I understand that couples who are in a toxic relationship, like domestic abuse with a partner that is unwilling to seek help, will most likely end in divorce. Quantitative data shows nearly 4 thousand women died due to domestic violence in one year (Domestic Abuse Shelter). If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, seek help at 1800-799-7233.

Reference:

Garriga, A., & Pennoni, F. (2020). The Causal Effects of Parental Divorce and Parental Temporary Separation on Children’s Cognitive Abilities and Psychological Well-being According to Parental Relationship Quality. Social Indicators Research, 161, 963-987.

Van Dijk, R., van der Valk, Inge E., Deković, M., & Branje, S. (2022). Triangulation and child adjustment after parental divorce: Underlying mechanisms and risk factors. Journal of Family Psychology, 36(7), 1117-1131. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0001008

Domestic Abuse Shelter. (2019, October 7). Domestic violence. Definition of Domestic Violence. Retrieved November 13, 2022, from https://domesticabuseshelter.org/domestic-violence/